Hylton I Lightman MD DCH(SA) FAAP

Your child’s huge milestone is just around the corner — Leaving for Israel. Prepare now that your teenager/young adult child, who is about to enter an unfamiliar environment, can have a year filled with growth on every level – and fun.

In addition to moving across the world, your child will experience a new level of independence. There are tasks like shopping for essentials and then there may be making arrangements for Shabbos and traveling to hosts. Your child’s first hike ever may happen soon after landing. Encourage them to remain well hydrated. This might be the first time since sleepaway that your child will be sharing a small, cramped room with limited storage for an extended time period. This means that your child, if upset or exhausted, may not be able to retreat on demand into his/her own private space. Some kids embrace new experiences while others are more reticent.

So what is a parent to do?

First, take a deep breath. The years of Chinuch and nurturing you’ve invested in your child are not for naught. Hopefully, there have been years of positive socialization that have gone on.  A new beginning with a change of real estate venue can be embraced by those who have experienced social challenges. This is provided that the challenges have not been swept under the proverbial carpet.

Further, you’ve instilled manners and Middos in your children. Our forefathers, in their infinite wisdom knew this, which is why there is a whole Torah in-and-of itself devoted to good manners and self-growth.  These skills, as corroborated by Daniel Goleman’s eminently readable Emotional Intelligence, are the basis for just about everything in life that will help to make a person happy, including a successful marriage, healthy relationships with one’s children, friendships and a career.

When a child calls home frustrated, listen. Empathize, providing support and reassurance in regular phone calls. But please don’t “solve” the problem for them or smother them with your concerns. Give them the space to figure it out, before even thinking that you will call the “Ame Bayit” or dorm counselors. Perhaps encourage your child to speak directly to the powers-that-be. Of course, if there is, G-d forbid, bona fide abuse, by all means, you place the call.

By now, your child’s seminary or yeshiva has your child’s health forms. Even if you’ve already completed this step, send your child to Israel with his/her most up-to-date immunization form. It can be stored in their phone and/or put a printout into a sheet protector and send it with them. On this form, make sure all allergies and medications are listed.

When preparing the forms to go to Israel, it’s a good time to make color copies of your child’s passport and birth certificate and store them in a place you can remember in your home. Just in case anything is needed, you won’t have to waste brain cells gathering the information.

Parents have asked my colleagues and me about how open they should be about their children’s issues. Issues might be ADHD, social challenges, anxiety.

I encourage you to be honest with the seminary staff and family and friends in Israel. If your child is seeing a therapist here, speak with the therapist to discuss perhaps continuing the therapeutic relationship while your child is in Israel.  With thanks to Zoom and Google Meets, it can happen easily. If issues merge while in Israel, speak with the seminary/yeshiva staff and request a referral to someone local.

Is your child medicated? Now is the time to put a plan in place with the medical professional who prescribes for your child. Don’t wait until 1-2 pills are left.

The year in Israel can be one of the most following years in the lives of young adults, serving as the foundation for launching into adulthood. May it be a successful one for all.

As always, daven.